I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
