my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
