until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
