Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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