Got a toothbrush?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
there is puke in my bra ... again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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