i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
