C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
