So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
