I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
