you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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