There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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