I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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