Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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