I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
