I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
