dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
