just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
