small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it's like iHOP with fire
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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