evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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