awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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