Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As shirtless as possible
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
