There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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