i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
