Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
