I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
