I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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