My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
