she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize