Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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