So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
