all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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