I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
