he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
