Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize