im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
