I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
