Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The Olympian is in my bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
