Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
