Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
