some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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