so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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