I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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