I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
