i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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