They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
