i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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