I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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