Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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