Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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