dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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