Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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