I'm going to jail i love you
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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