I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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