so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
