Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
