Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
