its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's rum buckets o'clock
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
