i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
