i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
