I will die if light touches me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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