How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
