I think I died a long time ago.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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