after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need moral support for this bender
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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