Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
