Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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