but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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