If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
