I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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