I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
