No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
