make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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