We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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